We fly from the Andamans to Kolkata, where we while away about 8 hours before our connection to Bangkok. Again my body clock is screwed: it's light when it shouldn't be; I'm eating when I should be sleeping. I bumble through the whole thing in a haze.
I'm snapped awake by Bangkok airport. After living in a hut on a tropical island, landing in Bangkok is like traveling to the future. Everything is impossibly high tech - enormous glass windows and moving metal walkways. It's spotless and impeccably organised. The BTS Skytrain connects directly with the airport. I'm so excited to get on that I nearly wee: the doors are automatic; it has LCD screens; diagrams on the walls depict the line you're on and update as you travel along; a nice robot lady tells you over a speaker which station you're arriving at. Come on, it's a train, IN THE SKY!
The airport link runs to Phaya Thai, where we alight and hail a taxi to Khao San Road. Taxis in Bangkok run on meters and are brightly painted. They're all new Toyota Saloons. The only thing I have to guide us to the hostel is a rubbish, fuzzily printed map of the area. The road names aren't legible. I was trying to download a better copy in a Port Blair Internet cafe but the power kept going out and I couldn't get it. I have marked a cross in biro where I think we should be going.
Our taxi driver looks bemused at my attempt to pronounce "Charkrapong Road" and keeps squinting at the map as we drive. It's not clear if he knows where we need to go at all. Sometimes you just need to look out of the window and hope for the best.
We reach the area around Khao San but can't find our hostel. I'm not sure that we're on the right road. The driver pulls up next to an old man lounging in a tuk tuk and shouts something to him through the window. As he approaches, I see that he has very thick glasses and has such bad strabismus that I can barely see his pupils. He is in an exceptionally good mood and speaks enthusiastic but broken English. He gets out his mobile and calls the hostel for us. The guy in the hostel doesn't seem to speak Thai so I am handed the phone. Hostel man asks where we are and I tell him we're outside 7-11. He says he'll be right there to meet us. At this point I tell the taxi driver to go as he's just hanging around, having already been paid. The tuk tuk driver chats away incessantly to us as we wait.
Fifteen minutes pass.
Eventually it's clear nobody's coming. Despite my concerns about his eyesight. the tuk tuk driver persuades us to let him drive us round the corner... to another 7-11. Here we call the hostel again and go through the same process as before. Nobody arrives.
We drive back to the same road, a little further down than before. When I call the hostel for a third time I ask the man for a nearby landmark. Finally we get there. The tuk tuk driver doesn't charge us and gives us a map of Bangkok and his phone number, should be wish to go sight seeing.
By this point it's 8am and I'm not sure what day it is. The hostel won't have our beds ready until 12. We sit by reception, zombies. After an eternity has passed, we're led stumbling up a million flights of stairs to our dorm. There are 12 bunk beds and a small sink in the corner. Alice shotguns the top and I take the bottom. My mattress cover has strange, Hello Kittie-like, depictions of Winnie the Pooh characters on it.
There is another girl on a top bunk in the corner. She is constantly coughing and looks to be in a bad way. Hopefully, she'll die and silence will rain supreme. I sprawl on Piglet and Eeyore and try to sleep.
...
Coughing girl's a fighter and sleep doesn't come. We eventually decide to just go out and wander. Shamefully, we visit Burger King and eat our first burger in months.
Khao San road itself is a mess of hostels, cheap clothes stalls, peddlers selling bracelets and laser pens, pad thai carts and people with back packs. We grab a Chang and watch people for a while. For what is not the first time, I feel smug about packing lightly.
We stay out until late that night. I drink too much beer. We talk to some locals and a Canadian guy who has been working in Bangkok for a few months. He gives us some tips on Thailand and also some pointers for Australia. After midnight, we stagger back to the dorm. I'm extra quiet opening the door so that we don't wake anyone. Once inside, my eyes having adjusted to the light, I see that we're the only people there. Then I remember that our fellow dormers are all about ten years younger than me.
I'm woken at about 4am by the sound of a paralytic girl hitting the floor next to my bunk. She has fallen from the ladder, a good four feet, onto the floor. She clutches a scrunched paper cup and stares through me with glassy eyes, hiccuping. A bloke appears and hoists her bodily into her bunk. I find my earplugs and roll over.
...
The next day, Alice has caught some kind of disease from coughing girl. We endure one more night at the hostel and look for alternative accommodation.
We find Jenny's Guest House about 5 minutes walk away. The proprietor, Jenny, is friendly, speaks good English and cooks tasty Thai Food. She also has balls. We get a decent, private room with an ensuite and a fridge for about the same price as two beds in the hostel. The only downside is the that the tiny grotty bathroom has no sink, just a tap on the wall. One morning, I get up to go to the loo and find the biggest cockroach I've ever seen. It's wearing a shower cap and using my razor.
Apart from feeling little bit like staying at Hotel Naked Lunch, Jenny's is ace and we stick around for about a week.
Fun facts about Bangkok
- There are more seven elevens here than anywhere else on Earth;
- There are more hot pink taxis than anywhere else on Earth;
- The taxis are often cheaper than the tuk tuks;
- Many young Thai girls have European grandfathers;
- Everything happens on the side of the road. Market stalls, eateries, people's front rooms are all open on the curb;
- You can eat better food on the side of the road than in restaurants;
- You can eat better food on the side of the road than in some countries;
- The literal translation from the Thai name for the BTS is something like "Sky Fire Car" - how awesome is that?
I'm snapped awake by Bangkok airport. After living in a hut on a tropical island, landing in Bangkok is like traveling to the future. Everything is impossibly high tech - enormous glass windows and moving metal walkways. It's spotless and impeccably organised. The BTS Skytrain connects directly with the airport. I'm so excited to get on that I nearly wee: the doors are automatic; it has LCD screens; diagrams on the walls depict the line you're on and update as you travel along; a nice robot lady tells you over a speaker which station you're arriving at. Come on, it's a train, IN THE SKY!
The airport link runs to Phaya Thai, where we alight and hail a taxi to Khao San Road. Taxis in Bangkok run on meters and are brightly painted. They're all new Toyota Saloons. The only thing I have to guide us to the hostel is a rubbish, fuzzily printed map of the area. The road names aren't legible. I was trying to download a better copy in a Port Blair Internet cafe but the power kept going out and I couldn't get it. I have marked a cross in biro where I think we should be going.
Our taxi driver looks bemused at my attempt to pronounce "Charkrapong Road" and keeps squinting at the map as we drive. It's not clear if he knows where we need to go at all. Sometimes you just need to look out of the window and hope for the best.
We reach the area around Khao San but can't find our hostel. I'm not sure that we're on the right road. The driver pulls up next to an old man lounging in a tuk tuk and shouts something to him through the window. As he approaches, I see that he has very thick glasses and has such bad strabismus that I can barely see his pupils. He is in an exceptionally good mood and speaks enthusiastic but broken English. He gets out his mobile and calls the hostel for us. The guy in the hostel doesn't seem to speak Thai so I am handed the phone. Hostel man asks where we are and I tell him we're outside 7-11. He says he'll be right there to meet us. At this point I tell the taxi driver to go as he's just hanging around, having already been paid. The tuk tuk driver chats away incessantly to us as we wait.
Fifteen minutes pass.
Eventually it's clear nobody's coming. Despite my concerns about his eyesight. the tuk tuk driver persuades us to let him drive us round the corner... to another 7-11. Here we call the hostel again and go through the same process as before. Nobody arrives.
We drive back to the same road, a little further down than before. When I call the hostel for a third time I ask the man for a nearby landmark. Finally we get there. The tuk tuk driver doesn't charge us and gives us a map of Bangkok and his phone number, should be wish to go sight seeing.
By this point it's 8am and I'm not sure what day it is. The hostel won't have our beds ready until 12. We sit by reception, zombies. After an eternity has passed, we're led stumbling up a million flights of stairs to our dorm. There are 12 bunk beds and a small sink in the corner. Alice shotguns the top and I take the bottom. My mattress cover has strange, Hello Kittie-like, depictions of Winnie the Pooh characters on it.
There is another girl on a top bunk in the corner. She is constantly coughing and looks to be in a bad way. Hopefully, she'll die and silence will rain supreme. I sprawl on Piglet and Eeyore and try to sleep.
...
Coughing girl's a fighter and sleep doesn't come. We eventually decide to just go out and wander. Shamefully, we visit Burger King and eat our first burger in months.
Khao San road itself is a mess of hostels, cheap clothes stalls, peddlers selling bracelets and laser pens, pad thai carts and people with back packs. We grab a Chang and watch people for a while. For what is not the first time, I feel smug about packing lightly.
We stay out until late that night. I drink too much beer. We talk to some locals and a Canadian guy who has been working in Bangkok for a few months. He gives us some tips on Thailand and also some pointers for Australia. After midnight, we stagger back to the dorm. I'm extra quiet opening the door so that we don't wake anyone. Once inside, my eyes having adjusted to the light, I see that we're the only people there. Then I remember that our fellow dormers are all about ten years younger than me.
I'm woken at about 4am by the sound of a paralytic girl hitting the floor next to my bunk. She has fallen from the ladder, a good four feet, onto the floor. She clutches a scrunched paper cup and stares through me with glassy eyes, hiccuping. A bloke appears and hoists her bodily into her bunk. I find my earplugs and roll over.
...
The next day, Alice has caught some kind of disease from coughing girl. We endure one more night at the hostel and look for alternative accommodation.
We find Jenny's Guest House about 5 minutes walk away. The proprietor, Jenny, is friendly, speaks good English and cooks tasty Thai Food. She also has balls. We get a decent, private room with an ensuite and a fridge for about the same price as two beds in the hostel. The only downside is the that the tiny grotty bathroom has no sink, just a tap on the wall. One morning, I get up to go to the loo and find the biggest cockroach I've ever seen. It's wearing a shower cap and using my razor.
Apart from feeling little bit like staying at Hotel Naked Lunch, Jenny's is ace and we stick around for about a week.
Fun facts about Bangkok
- There are more seven elevens here than anywhere else on Earth;
- There are more hot pink taxis than anywhere else on Earth;
- The taxis are often cheaper than the tuk tuks;
- Many young Thai girls have European grandfathers;
- Everything happens on the side of the road. Market stalls, eateries, people's front rooms are all open on the curb;
- You can eat better food on the side of the road than in restaurants;
- You can eat better food on the side of the road than in some countries;
- The literal translation from the Thai name for the BTS is something like "Sky Fire Car" - how awesome is that?
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